As young as I was, I knew there was a God – I used to speak to Him when I was a child.
When I grew up, my conscience bothered me a lot concerning “giving my life to God”, because when I was in High School, these “missionaries” used to come and preach to us in the school hall, so my only experience of being reconciled to God was “giving one’s life to Him”.
The things I used to do, I’d make pacts with God, one I remember was, if I passed High School (because I was terrified of failing), I’d give my life to Him. Of course, I passed and then the pact was soon forgotten because it was too much hard work staying on the straight and narrow.
I was never a boozer, I never gravitated towards alcohol to prop up my self-esteem, nor was I a smoker. I used to smoke on and off for a couple of months at a time and then go cold turkey in an instant without giving cigarettes a second thought – probably because I thought smoking was such a disgusting habit.
I was never into drugs, although I had tried marijuana for a space of 3 months in my early 20s. I didn’t like what it did to me. I found I didn’t want to get up in the mornings to go to work, so I cut it out totally. Other than that I haven’t tried anything – I had no need to, even during my lowest, darkest days.
I do however have a problem with food. Me and food have a love-hate relationship, and I guess this stems from the fact that I didn’t have a good relationship with my mother. But over the years I have learned to deal with it with common sense and logic. It’s also the reason why I get on better with men (as friends) than with women (as friends), and I guess this is the reason why almost every single woman out there thinks I’m “after her husband/boyfriend”. Not to mention the fact that most out there think me and certain men were/are having (an) affair/affairs.
The moral of the story is : If I can be saved growing up in a totally religion-less, Godless family with a mother that didn’t care much or didn’t seem to care (because she was bipolar), then there’s hope for ANYBODY.
The fact that my mother was weird didn’t turn me against God – I didn’t see it as His fault as most of my siblings did, or as most others in this world do. If something bad happens to them – they conveniently blame God.
Life’s circumstances aren’t God’s fault – it’s mainly because of your own stupidity and ignorance and the inability to deal with it.