By all intents and purposes, I don’t like having to justify myself as a person to anyone because my line of thinking is: If you don’t understand me or my motives and sense of humoUr then it’s your problem, not mine, besides, no-one else justifies themselves, like the time I belonged to a certain woman’s forum on Facebook.
It was the year Dot and the earth was flat…… kidding.
No, it was around 2012, and the forum was round……… no, kidding again…………….. it was like any other Mid-Acts Group on Facebook, or should I rather say, like any other Mid-Acts Group period. Stilted, controlling, top-heavy, simple-minded and entrenched in subtle Acts 28 doctrine. The Admins of this particular Group held to perverted Bible versions, particularly the NIV, hence one of their rules was, “no discussions were allowed concerning Bible versions, this is a fun group”……..
The emphasis was on silly jokes and “de-stressing”, and the group was created to “ease the effects of the debates taking place in other Mid-Acts Groups at the time”. It was also a woman’s only group, otherwise known as a “ladies only group”, but a select few men were allowed in because they were liked by the Admin.
Stilted jesting, horsing around and laughing (on the surface) never does anyone any good. Why? Because it’s not honest and it’s not sincere. Anyone care for honesty and sincerity today?
But the barbs, albeit subtle were there. I guess a particular person had it in for me, and from what I could gather, she was the one who was going to put me in my place. It started off with a general question to the group : “What do you have/eat for breakfast”.
My reply was, preferably eggs, and if you threw in any other savoury tit-bit, it would be perfect. Her reply was, “Oh, you have a MAN’S breakfast, all the other LADIES have cereal or muesli”.
Me: *Totally stumped*. Now if that wasn’t a subtle stab, then I didn’t know what was.
Seriously? It was the year 2012, not the year Dot – hadn’t they heard of Banting or Low Carb diets? No, it is a MAN’S diet (wink). Since when do women not eat English breakfasts? I know that eating cereal and muesli is an American thing, and I’ve never gravitated towards eating same because (a) I’m not a horse or a hefer and I don’t eat grass, and (b) It’s way too high in sugar.
Okay, so I left it there and ignored it and remained a member of that particular forum against my better judgment.
Then a few weeks down the line someone brought up a doctrinal issue and I sommented in a joking way as the forum stipulated. It took two flaps of a dog’s tail and I was banned without as much as a reason why, then the private messages came.
I was called everything from bitter to _______________ and I was told to take a long, hard look at myself – and this coming from someone who held to a perverted Bible version, who was on Prozac and calls herself a lady.
Probably has high-tea at noon and raises her pinky when she slurps tea and scoffs on biscuits (we call them biscuits and not cookies. Biscuits are the proper English word for those round sweet objects, whereas the word cookie is derived from a Dutch word “koek” which means cake, and they call those round, small objects “koekies”, which mean small cakes). Before New York was called New York it’s name was New Amsterdam, and those surnames which have the word “Van” in them, aren’t really like the vans you drive around in, it’s the Dutch word “van”, meaning “from”, and it’s pronounced “Faan”, a good example being “Van Dyk” – pronounced “Faan dake” – meaning from “the dyke”, then there’s “Van Der Westhuizen” – meaning “from the West House”. That’s the Dutch humour for you – when the Spanish forced them to take up surnames. Imagine how many dykes and “west houses” there were.
Anyway, the more I tried to explain to her I wasn’t being mean or nasty or sarcastic, the more she went for the jugular and told me I wouldn’t be allowed back in until I changed or apologized or groveled. Seriously dude, like I was desperate to return? I don’t grovel at the ankles of Atila the Hun. Heck no, I’ve got more self-respect and pride than that and I was just too glad to be free of it all. Too many issues, too many warped beliefs and too much make believe, not to mention that I wasn’t happy about what they believed – Berean Bible Society Specialists who are happy where they are doctrinally – and have been exactly that for donkey’s years.
It was soon after that, that the other “blow” came. The other “lady” sent me a sugar-coated private message on Facebook, wishing me well and that she was “glad” to have known me, and that she was “leaving Facebook” so she wouldn’t see me again (I still laugh at the fact that she went to such lengths to make herself feel better about lying) and then she blocked me.
Snivel, snivel. I cried for months – no years, after that, and I’m still crying, I still haven’t recovered from it all. Can you imagine the “Buffet of Audrey” they partook of once I was gone? They probably feasted on my flesh for months afterwards and then nibbled on my bones, mmmmmm, Audrey sure tastes good…… a tad bitter, but overall – tasty *chomp, chomp, chomp* Audrey steak, Audrey fillet, Audrey BBQ, Audrey souffle, Audrey chicken soup…….. Christine, have another helping….. Hehehe.
What is it about Mid-Acts Dispensationalists who think it’s alright to be loving to one’s face and devour one behind one’s back? It’s not loving to say it to one’s face, out in the open, but it’s loving to say it to others behind one’s back? Or they post “incognito” posts about you on Facebook and then all the vultures (you call them buzzards?) fly in for the feast – “Aah, gimme the shank, dude”, “No, no, no, I want the liver, I love liver and onions”, “Okay guys, let’s not fight about the fillet, let’s feast and devour in love now”
Anyway, it’s the year 2017 and they’re still stuck in the Berean Bible Society with their NIVs. Nothing has changed, and I’m still bitter lol. Yeah, it’s something else being devoured by cereal munching, orange juice quaffing, prozac popping, Berean Babble Society minions. I’m crass, unfeeling, uncaring and unloving and I’m not a vegetarian because I eat MEN’S BREAKFASTS. I have muscles in places where others don’t have places. I tell you, in this instance I’d rather be crazy than stupid, but not Prozac crazy.
I was taught that if someone jumps into the fire, not to join them, hence, if my conscience tells me not to associate with Berean Babble Society minions who invite to join their forums for the shock value and controversy – I’ve learnt to rather stay away.